


Safe and sound

by Marrie_L



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: M/M, Soulmate AU but different, Wizarding Wars, first wizarding war
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-08
Updated: 2016-06-08
Packaged: 2018-07-13 20:30:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,834
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7135997
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Marrie_L/pseuds/Marrie_L
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sirius is faced with the most difficult task in his life: sacrificing himself to save everyone else.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Safe and sound

**Author's Note:**

> The title and the lyrics are from Safe and sound - taylor swift and the civil wars.

_I remember tears streaming down your face_

“Stay, please.” A begging voice reached Sirius’ ears. He could hear the tears, even though he couldn’t see them. The light had disappeared a long time ago, leaving the two men in the dark. It didn’t matter that it was dark outside. It had been dark in their heads, in their hearts, for a long time.

Sirius held Remus close to him. He knew what was happening outside, he knew what he had to do, but he couldn’t. He couldn’t leave Remus while everything was falling apart. He knew he could change everything, but at what cost?

_When I said, I'll never let you go_

The sounds of the war never stopped. Outside people were fighting, dying for their country – and for them. For him, the one who would end this war eventually. He hated it. He wanted to fight, to do something, but at the same time it was important that he was safe. He _couldn’t_ fight. He _had_ to watch all those people die.

“I- I can’t! Remus, those people are dying for me! How can I sit here doing nothing?” He felt two arms around him, pulling him even closer. He was scared. He couldn’t admit it, but it was true. There was nothing noble about this fight. It wasn’t even the fighting that frightened him. It was the waiting.

_When all those shadows almost killed your light_

He knew he couldn’t do anything. He was the key in Voldemort’s downfall. Voldemort needed him. Without him Voldemort couldn’t survive.

And therefore he was locked away here, with Remus to keep him calm and all those people fighting for him. All his friends were outside, risking their lives. He knew they wouldn’t win this fight. All they could to do was give him time, time to prepare the last part of their plan.

Nobody but Dumbledore and Sirius knew how this was going to end. And Remus. Sirius couldn’t tell him about the whole ritual. There needed to be an offer, and Sirius had to be that offer. He couldn’t tell Remus that these moments would be their last moments together, but he knew Remus knew it. He could feel it in the way Remus touched him, like he was something precious that needed to be protected.

_I remember you said, don't leave me here alone_

“Hold me,” Sirius whispered while tears started to fall down. “Just stay with me for a while.” He felt so, so vulnerable and weak. He had never imagined this to be the end. He had expected dying while protecting his friends, in some heroic safe or maybe, when all this would be over, because of old age.

_But you are protecting your friends_ , a little voice told him inside his head. You are being a hero by sacrificing yourself like this. Why didn’t it feel heroic then? Why was the only thing he felt emptiness?

_But all that's dead and gone and passed tonight_

There was no love, no passion between him and Remus, even though they couldn’t possibly be closer to each other. Usually even the thought of being this close to Remus would be heartwarming and would kinda turn him on. But not now.

“You don’t have to do this, Padfoot. There are other ways.”

Sirius shook his head, even though Remus wouldn’t be able to see it. The sounds of people screaming, falling, dying were driving him crazy. “If I don’t do it, then who does? He needs to be stopped, Remus. How many innocent people will die otherwise?” He sounded even more desperate and begging. He needed Remus to understand it. He needed him to understand that he didn’t want to leave him behind, that he loved him with his whole heart, but that he didn’t have a choice. For once he needed to do what was right instead of what he wanted.

_Just close your eyes_

“How did we end here?” Remus asked. It wasn’t a question that could be answered, so Sirius kept silent.

The room was lightened for a second, causing the two men to grab their wands even tighter. The light came from the outside and meant only one thing: their defense was falling. Soon the Death Eaters would be here. Soon everyone else would be dead.

“It’s okay, it’s okay,” Sirius kept whispering to Remus. He felt his lover tremble and wanted he had the power to stop it. He wanted to take Remus’ fear away, tell him everything would be alright.

_The sun is going down_

“Do you- do you remember the first time we kissed?” It was a final attempt to go back to those days, when everything had been alright. Everything had been fun and love had been the strongest power ever. Yes, even then it had been war time, but a war with hope, with love.

When did it stop being fun and start being scary? He didn’t know anymore. At some point he had found himself crying in a corner about the death of his brother, the enemy. And that same brother was the reason he was sitting here, counting down the minutes.

It had been a clever trick. An ancient spell, used back then to make sure the conquerors wouldn’t kill their rebels. Bind both leaders together. Weave their souls together and make sure that one cannot live without the other. A difficult process, almost like making a horcrux, but more complex, and one that needed a sacrifice. A blood offer from one of the souls’ relatives. Regulus.

And with sacrificing himself, dooming Sirius to be Voldemort’s soulmate.

_You'll be alright_

He felt the soft laugh more than he saw it, but it was humorless. Humor had disappeared a long time ago. “Oh yes, I remember it,” Remus answered him. “Didn’t you hit Gideon because he complimented me with my new sweater?”

Sirius laughed. It felt forced, but he wanted this to be perfect. He was here with Remus and for a moment no one could hurt them.

“Yes, I did. _I_ wanted to compliment you.” It sounded so stupid, but back then it had felt as the right thing to do. Maybe he was stupid. Maybe that was why he had to do this. For once really the right thing.

_No one can hurt you now_

Lily ran into the room. “We’re losing. We can’t hold it any longer.” Her hand stroked absently her belly. You could see she was pregnant. It wasn’t planned in the middle of a war, but both James and Lily were still happy with it. Their unborn child was the reason they were still fighting. They had been offered so many times to join Voldemort, but they wanted a better future for their child.

And so did Sirius.

_Come morning light_

“It’s ready,” Dumbledore’s voice said. “Get everyone here.”

Sirius smiled weakly while he entered the circle Dumbledore had drawn. Inside the circle he and everyone else would be safe. It wouldn’t last long, but long enough to protect everyone from him.

It would be the only way. Of course the people who were forced to be their oppressor’s soulmates had found another way to get rid of it. Another spell, another sacrifice. There was a way to bring the other down, and to be invincible for a short moment. Long enough to kill the enemy before you would collapse.

_You and I'll be safe and sound_

Sirius really had no choice. Not when he saw the people surrounding him. James and Lily and their unborn child. Remus. Dorcas.

Too many people were no longer here. Alice and Frank. Fabian. Marlene. Sirius didn’t spot Gideon anymore, together with so many faces. People who were here this morning, but no longer.

No, he really had no choice. He had to save all those people.

_Don't you dare look out your window darling_

“Are you ready, Sirius? When I finish the last spell you won’t be able to say goodbye anymore.” Sirius bit his lip while trying to avoid all those looks of pity. Was he ready to die? No. He wasn’t and he was sure he would never be. But that didn’t matter.

He felt a hand on his shoulder. It was comforting, especially because it was James’. Sirius tried to smile, but failed. His eyes filled with tears.

No. He couldn’t cry. Not in front of these people. He had to be strong.

He wasn’t.

James pulled him into a hug and he could feel the other man cry. He hadn’t known it, but now it was clear for everyone that Sirius wouldn’t return anymore.

_Everything's on fire_

Remus joined them. Nobody said a word. They all watched how their savior was falling apart in the arms of the two men he cared the most about.

“Why?” James whispered.

“Because I have to. It’s my duty,” Sirius answered, his voice broken. He was trembling and he couldn’t control his body. The whole world was falling apart and he was falling with it.

_The war outside our door keeps raging on_

He kissed Remus one final time. It wasn’t gentle or passionate. It was just desperate, a goodbye. He hadn’t had the strength anymore to say much, except whispering that he loved the other, but he needed to say goodbye. He needed to let Remus know he would always be in his heart.

The door, barricaded with magic, gave in. Death Eaters came into the room, not able to cross the line. Their faces were hidden behind masks, but Sirius was sure they were smiling. They were trapped and it would only be a matter of time before they were killed.

“I’m ready,” he finally told Dumbledore. It was war. There was no time to be selfish. Not anymore.

  _Hold onto this lullaby_

He held Remus’ hand while the last part of the spell was activated. He would turn into a time bomb, but didn’t want to let Remus go, just as Remus didn’t want to let him go. He held his hand like his life depended on it, and it probably did.

“I love you, I love you,” he kept mumbling. It became a rhythm, a combination with Dumbledore’s words.

“I’m so sorry, I love you.” He slowly released Remus’ hand. It was one of the most difficult things he had ever done. It wasn’t just Remus he let go. It was everything he had lived for – or died for.

_Even when the music's gone_

“I’m sorry,” he whispered one last time. The silence almost hurt his ears. In the past few hours he was getting used to the sound and now it felt like something was missing.

“I’m sorry.” He left the circle, his final haven. This was for Remus, for Lily and James, for everyone else. For once it would be him who would be shining, even though it would burn him eventually. He was after all Sirius Black, the brightest star in the universe.

_Gone_


End file.
